My cat gives me a boner
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
