She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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