Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
