Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
