Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
