It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
