(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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