Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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