The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
