Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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