i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
