She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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