Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
