i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And then he peed in my hair
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