dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
