there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
