Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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