ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
