"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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