So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
