So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
