My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
