"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
