I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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