i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
