He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
