I accidentally had phone sex last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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