READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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