He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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