I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
