I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
