dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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