He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
