If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
