You really coming over, don't trick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
