HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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