she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
