so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
high people should be assigned attendants
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
