Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
