Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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