they said they heard you say put it in my butt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
