did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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