im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
