have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
