i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
