he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
