I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
