did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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