Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
