the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
