speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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