So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
